The Fictospherians’ Ideal Costumes

In honor of the holiday, we asked the various Fictosphere contributors what their ideal costume would be, or has been, or whatever! And no, there’s no pictures of any females in any costumes in this article. We have intentionally misled you in a bid for traffic.

Matt “Matsu Her-O” Heywood

This isn’t even a costume. C’mon, Matt.

Hey everybody! Ever since I first saw Dragonball Z my favorite costume has been Vegeta! I think he’s a good character and I like him because even though he’s super powerful he has a soft side (you can tell because he married Bulma and has a kid who’s half-human and if he wasn’t different from his introduction he’d never have a half-human kid!) but then I was thinking about what Mikenificent said and started to think that the costume I’d want the most would be to be Matsu Her-O!

The more I thought about it the more I couldn’t choose, and then I realized I didn’t have to choose! In Dragonball Z, there’s this thing where characters can fuse called the Fusion Dance and so I think my costume would be a fusion of Vegeta and Matsu Her-O called Vegetsu Her-Oa! Which also reminds me of Green Lantern, which is always a plus!


Jeffrey Holloway

Oh no, it’s a giant noodly boy.

My ideal Halloween costume, “[e]ven beyond Halloween, if you’re into that”?  Mikenificent, I don’t even know what you’re suggesting there.  Or I do?  Anyway, drum roll please. . . my ideal Halloween costume would be:  Yog-Sothoth.  Mikenificent said “it [does not] need to be a costume that could be something that could be done in reality.”  And this most certainly fits Yog-Sothoth, a cosmic deity of the Cthulhu Mythos first mentioned in H.P. Lovecraft’s novel The Case of Charles Dexter Ward (written in 1927). 

Yog-Sothoth might be a bit of a challenging costume to purchase or create at home because it is, ahem, the “spawn of the blankness of primal time, that tentacled amorphous monster which was the lurker at the threshold, whose mask was as a congeries of iridescent globes, the noxious Yog-Sothoth, who froths as primal slime in nuclear chaos beyond the nethermost outposts of space and time.”  And yes, I would love to wear this literally unimaginable eldritch costume beyond Halloween (and even beyond existence’s whole unbounded sweep), so that certain secret cults forever whisper my name during unnamed and damned rituals.  Those who would see my Halloween costume or learn too much about it would of course court disaster and utter madness (if they did not make a sacrifice of candy to me, that is).  

Jonathan Hortenz

Robert Osborne I guess?

I’m not sure why I agreed to this asinine exercise especially since I’m sure this site’s audience will “get” my costume idea about as well as my acquaintance Steve’s party guests usually do. For the past several years, my costume of choice has been the late TCM host Robert Osborne. He encompasses many of the qualities I aspire to in my work and so my emulation of him should come as no surprise.

Unfortunately, no one has ever understood my costume. The parties I begrudgingly attend always include several young ladies coming up to me and asking if I’m some sort of chaperone or, perhaps, Steve’s parent. In one instance, they posited that I was actually television star Drew Carey. Perhaps if they put more thought into their own “costumes” which are barely lingerie with accessories and imbibed less during these occasions, they would realize what a clever choice I’ve made and how fitting it truly is.


Randall Malus

Some fine feathered fiends.

So, when it comes to costumes, I tend to pick things that fit my height, weight, body type, etc.  At this point in my life, that leaves me with the Batman villain known as The Penguin–which is fine, since I love the character and it’s really the one I would want to dress up as anyway.  And though I’ve technically already done this costume, I would love to do either a more comic accurate version or a straight take on Burgess Meredith from the Batman 60s show.  In fact, if I had the money, I would probably get a nose job to have my nose made more penguiny (though it’s already quite stately as it is if I do say so myself).


Mikenificent

Spider-Man, seen here getting all gooed up.

After much consideration and running through the list of costumes I’ve had in the past and what I’d potentially want from a costume in the future and I realized that there’s one thing that would prove to be the ultimate costume: a symbiote!

Basically, it would provide both a costume that could transform into other clothing as well as fantastic super-powers while also being a constant voice inside my head that could potentially help with my anxiety and depression. I would prefer a green one.


Trevor Thomson

Actor Michael Gross as Burt Gummer, the paranoid (yet beloved) paramilitary survivalist who saves the day
constantly in the Tremors films.

When I was a kid, the Tremors franchise quickly and easily captured my imagination. At the time only four films long, the premises consisted of various characters in isolated locales fighting to survive against giant, man-eating prehistoric worms, affectionately dubbed “Graboids” during their freshman outing in 1990. Among these various characters trying to not become worm chow, one rose to the top of the pile & became the cult icon hero: Burt Gummer. The quirky, often paranoid & sometimes raving paramilitary survivalist eventually always seemed to know what to do when it concerned fighting/killing Graboids & their life-cycle variations, whether it be in techniques or sheer firepower provided through his nigh unlimited arsenal.

I haven’t seen many costumes or cosplays of the Gummer character, other than a few cute kids. Burt actually isn’t all that hard to recreate, though perhaps in order to properly get across the accurate visage of the armed & dangerous worm-slayer, some heavy duty equipment & firearms would need to be “borrowed” to complete the package, & probably not all through readily accessible fake props, but making them would certainly be lots of fun. In these hypersensitive times we live in, such a figure, a white man brandishing various tools of Death, would probably be frowned upon or outright discouraged. Oh well, sounds like even more fun to me. -winks-


Thanks for reading this article despite the fact that we didn’t include anyone else in revealing costumes. We’re saving that for the Fictosphere Beefcake Calendar next year, but since you’ve read this far, here you go.

Happy?

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