Ghosting; or, How to Communicate and Be an Adult

The third and final Throwback Thursday post for today again comes from the Malus and Mayhem blog, and showcases an instance of me being agitated about the state of the relationship between the genders in the 21st Century–this time, manifested in the form of the concept of “ghosting.” I still think it’s a terrible thing to do to someone, but at least here, I use my sarcastic wit as a way to cope with my dismay at the state of my generation‘s inability to communicate like healthy adults.


Originally posted on July 7, 2016

Allow me to comment upon one of the most abhorrent Millennial concepts I’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering: Ghosting.

Ghosting happens when someone stops communicating with someone else completely, usually permanently.  It is often abrupt and always without explanation.  Sometimes it can even happen whilst in a relationship, and usually ends the relationship in the most confusing fashion possible.

Jimmy Hoffa: World Ghosting Champion since 1975.  Also, probably just “Ghost Champion.”

The reasons as to why someone might ghost are multitude, but most often it happens when someone isn’t interested in you, and would just like to avoid the awkwardness of having to confront you with that fact.  This is regardless of whether or not you’ve given any indication of being interested in the person doing the ghosting.  Because, hey, if they’re of the opposite sex and talking with you, that must mean they want to bang–I mean, who wouldn’t want to bang you, right?  Pure perfectionMm, mmm!

The word you’re thinking of is “elephantine”, baby.

In addition to a delusional and over-inflated sense of self, ghosting reveals a serious lack of emotional maturity.  Most people don’t like conflict, but conflict is a part of life–and life is about doing things you don’t want to do.  Eventually, you’re going to have to tell someone something they don’t want to hear (like you’re just not that into someone), or you’re going to have to discover something you don’t want to discover (that, in spite of you thinking the greeting “hi” is some sort of secret-handshake within the swingers’ community, it really isn’t and no one would want you to join anyway).

This is the typical–and, therefore, normal–reaction to ghosting.

So, how does one avoid ghosting?  By remembering these simple lessons taught to every toddler:

  1. Learn to communicate effectively, or “use your words”.  We teach kids this because communication is the cornerstone of the most ancient of humanity’s civilizations, and without it, we wouldn’t know our asses (or anyone else’s) from holes in the ground.
  2. Be honest, or “tell the truth” about how you feel towards another person.  If you can’t bring yourself to be perfectly clear (because you’re a spineless coward most likely), then tell a “little white lie”, but don’t ignore the person.  Ignoring people is just fucking rude.  “Don’t be rude”.
  3. Don’t assume anything, or “don’t jump to conclusions”.  You’re not a “10” by anyone’s scale, so don’t make the mistake of thinking that every encounter with the opposite sex is a quest for coitus.  If you are a “10”, you have bodyguards to sift through the riff-raff already.

If every emotionally crippled baby (i.e. Millennial) follows the above, they too will communicate like adults.

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